I’ve moved.

Posted: November 25, 2013 in Uncategorized

So, TheSlaughteredLamb has moved, and is no longer called TheSlaughteredLamb, it is now YeOldeSlaughteredLamb! But don’t worry, its still the same as it was before,  just now a full website.

http://www.yeoldeslaughteredlamb.co.uk/

See ya’ll there!

So, I hate kids in horror movies. I’m not a fan of kids normally, but that’s only because I’m only young and all that.. But kids in horror movies do my nut, they either hold the characters back and put them in a lot of danger, or just want to hold on them and scream and cry. I can’t stand them. I really am not this grumpy, I just don’t like little kids in horrors. So, for my hatred, I have decided to write this ‘Worst Kids in Horror Movies. Ever’. Dramatic, huh? Here we go.

10.

So at number ten is Danny Torrance from The Shining. That classic that is The Shining. A film that is such a classic, that no person will really admit there’s much wrong with it. I will, Danny. Danny is what is wrong with the film.

A classic….even if the kid is as annoying as waiting for a parcel…

Danny is, obviously, Jack and Wendy’s son, and in the films defence, Wendy is pretty annoying too so maybe it runs in the genes… If I’m being honest, Jack and Dick are pretty much the only two people in this who don’t annoy me. Oh! And the bartender. But now I’ve gone right off course. Back to Danny and why he annoys me. He doesn’t really add much to the film, I know he’s a kid, but all he does is ride that damn tricycle up and down the halls, scream and shout Red rum all the bloody time. Yeah, it adds to the film in a way, the tricycle adds to the tension and so does Red rum in a way, but he’s annoying. He shouts Red rum, over and  over again, instead of doing what a normal creepy person would do which would be to, say, whisper it…

Just faces like this, allllll the time.

I do actually like this film, don’t get me wrong, I do like this film, I know I sound like it annoys me and the characters annoy me, but I do actually like it, it is a classic. But it’s just the kid, who actually likes him? Honestly? Just look, those type of faces the entire way through the film, added on some “RED RUUUUMS” and that Tony is talking to him and probably tell him to do bad things. He’s my number ten because, although he does annoy me, I enjoy the film and he is not what I think of when I think of the film. I don’t immediately think, ‘Oh, The Shining…THAT DAMN KID.’ Now, go talk to Tony someplace I can’t hear you…

Should have ignored the shining…Scatman Crothers…

9.

Number nine is a kid from a pretty bad film. That kid is Aidan and the film is The Ring, but the new one. I say pretty bad because it’s a good film to watch when you have free time orrrrr just want to turn your brain off, and if you’re easily scared and want to be scared. Otherwise, its pretty bad. I’m also trying to remember whether the terrible CGI’d scene with Aidan and Rachel in the car getting attacked by deers is in this film or the second…anyhooo which everyone it is, there both still as bad as each other. The first being slightly better… Back to my countdown.

Aidan. Aidan is annoying. He just does that thing that annoys me about horror kids where they just pout and stare into space and say nothing. He does that. He also does not listen, he doesn’t listen and gets himself into trouble meaning that Rachel has then got to save him and put herself in more danger. I mean, jeeeeez, the kid watches the tape for God sake! Who does that?! He was warned and he still watched it, meaning Rachel can’t just pass the tape on or burn it, she now has to fix this pouty brat’s mistake. I’ll be honest, I can’t remember a whole load of this movie, but I do remember that Aidan just annoyed me, even looking at the character annoyed me.

8.

At number eight is Damien from The Omen, either Omen’s. I’m not sure which version annoys me the most, the older one looks more scary whereas the newer one looks a bit more pouty…I’ll go with the newer one annoys me the most. He is pouting more after all. So, Damien from the new Omen.

The Omen (2006 film)

The Omen (2006 film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think…

Damien, is the same, he pouts, and just doesn’t speak, but when he doesn’t speak and when he pouts, someone dies. Like the poor nanny.. In some ways, it’s not his fault, he is the Devil or the Devil’s child, but still, he should know that killing people by pouting at them is wrong… He doesn’t really say that much throughout the entire film, but, I’ll let the film off for that because he doesn’t need to (He’s the devil basically…), and he is creepy which is the whole point to the film. His face is annoying though, just the pouting face, the pouting lips, he just look like he didn’t get the right present for Christmas. I mean, maybe he didn’t, maybe that’s why he’s so pouty and out to kill people…  He just pouts and its bloody annoying. But he doesn’t talk and it does do what its suppose to, and is creepy which is why he’s only at eight.

Stop with the pouting!

7.

Number seven is….the little girl, Jess from The Happening. Know, I really like this movie, I’ve watched it many times and there are only two things I really dislike about it. One, is the ending, terrible twist, and two, is Jess. She is annoying, she pulls Elliot and his wife Alma down, she slows them down. It also makes it worse that she’s not even their child, or some child they saved, one of Elliot’s friends kind of handed her to them. Now, I know, if this was to really happen, taking on someone’s elses child, especially a close friend, is something nice to do and most would, but this is a movie… It’s a nice gesture, yes, but she’s an annoying kid, she doesn’t do anything and holds them back, slows them down. I know, as children, they aren’t suppose to do much in movies, as they’re so young, but I find most are too nosey for their own good and Jess isn’t any better. She doesn’t do as she’s told, a scary old lady takes them in and instead of just sit and eat, she tries to reach and get more food. She’s gets a bedroom and instead of waiting quietly, she investigates. Just stop being nosey and listen for once! You put them in danger and then don’t listen! Jeeeeez. Just be quiet and keep up until this movie’s over.

I’ll be honest, I couldn’t remember much about Jess, I can remember the old lady scaring me when she catches ‘it’ but I know that’s got nothing to do with this. I can remember writing a very ranty Facebook status (Yep, I do that…) about how she’s slowing them down and that… She just slows them down and just doesn’t listen and in a movie like this, you need to!

I liked you when I thought you Danno’s daughter in Hawaii 5-0…

So yeah, she’s basically thrown on them, not her fault, I’ll grant her that, but still, and she slows she downs. She slows them down and is too nosey for a child to be.

6. 

Number six is not just one child, it’s about three or four. The children from the film The Children.

I do love this film…

These kids are at my number six because they’re spoilt little kids whose parents are all posh and secretly hate each other and they all go and stay in this nice cottage for Christmas. Basically, I’m jealous of where they stay. But that’s it, I don’t want anything else, just the house. Anyway, I’m going off, I can’t just find them annoying because of the house. I’ve put this children at number six because they do annoy me a lot, but it’s not them in a way, it’s the illness they have, so in a way, they don’t have any say over what they’re actually doing.

Just go away! Please….

Saying all that though, about how it’s not their fault, I still wanted them all dead. And that’s saying something. The kids basically start as just loud annoying children, which is annoying normally, so basically from the start they annoyed me, but I didn’t want to kill them. Let me just get that straight, I’m not a wanting children dead type of person. At the beginning, they were loud and messy and spoilt, meaning I just wanted them to be quiet. Then, when the illness hit, they turned into these crying ill brats who wanted to hurt things, actually kill things. And that’s when the eldest daughter was about to stab one of them, I was yelling at the screen, shouting her to do it… They turn into these horrible just blank staring kids who when they see someone, they try to kill them and no one will stop them because they’re only children and no one knows they’re ‘ill’. These kids annoy me because they don’t say anything, they act bratty to get attention and then kill. They know exactly what they are doing, and just stare and manipulate everyone around them until there’s no one left. They annoy me so much I wanted to kill the evil kids, but it wasn’t them, they were only bratty kids at the beginning, which is why they are all only at six.

5. 

On to five. Now, I’m not sure how much this one counts being that it isn’t a movie but it is horror and he is an annoying kid… Okay, well I’ll go with this, the show is a lot scarier and better than a lot of horror movies I’ve seen. Number five is Carl from The Walking Dead. I liked Carl, before he became a cocky little thing who shoots just anyone and thinks he’s as good as his dad…

I adore this show, I’ve watched it all the way through and like most fans, I’m a Daryl lover, but as the series has gone on, I’ve started really disliking Carl most of the time. Even more than the Governor sometimes, and that’s saying something. I liked Carl at the beginning, which is saying something as, as you’ve probably guessed, I don’t like kids in horror movies, I liked him more than the other kids in the show, but I think the whole Spoiler  ‘I’m still alive and you two aren’t!’ to the other kids made him a cocky little brat. End of spoiler.

Just stop being so cocky and shooting people and wandering off to say a few!

Carl started off fine, he was a nice kid who, unlike a lot of kids, managed to keep up and keep everyone out of danger. As the shows gone on though, and people have been bumped off, and he’s survived, I think he feels he’s some type of invincible God or something. He doesn’t stay where he’s told, someone says’ stay here’, he goes ‘sure, oh, what’s that’s noise?’ and investigates. I’m pretty sure the first two or so series was just basically everyone trying to find him… He argues back, but not actually argues, an adult is trying to sneak out, Carl catches them and tries to black mail them. HE’S A KID. And that actually happened. He blackmails and thinks he’s better and bigger than most apart from his dad, but even Rick, he’s tried to blackmail at points, failing luckily. I wrote that last little bit smirking, I’ll admit…

The worst thing though with him, he shot someone, actually shot an innocent person, why? No one knows. He said it was because the person tried to fire at him first, but that was complete balls, and he knows that. He shot someone, just because he wanted to, maybe he felt threatened orrrrr something, but he shot him. I can’t stand him. He’s a cocky little kid who blackmails. Eurgh. And you were so much nicer at the start of the show…now you have a gun and hat…

4.

Rolling in at number four is Esther from Orphan. That girl, oh my god, that girl. I like this film a lot. Its so clever, but jeeeeeez, do I hate Esther. Basically, she is adopted by Kate and John, and the audience know she’s not right but obviously they don’t. For one, she’s dressed as if she’s just climb out of the TARDIS, (don’t get me wrong, I love people dressing differently, but in horror movies, it’s never a good sign..), she’s on her own ALL the time, and she’s just too nice, like too nice for a horror movie. When’s someones like this, stay away, in horror movies they never lead to happiness. And she doesn’t, funnily enough. Now, I’m not going to say the twist, at all, because it’s just so good and I know the temptations when someone says ‘spoiler alert’ and you have to look and then ruin it for yourself, well, I’m not going there, so don’t worry. Luckily, I can say everything without saying the twist… Yipeeeee.

So creeeeeepy.

Esther starts off ‘nice’, well nice to Kate and John, but not to their other kids. She is the devil to them, y’know, the normal trying to hurt them, setting one alight in a treehouse, pushing one off a slide, the normal. But obviously, when they tell John and Kate this, its nonsense. And it gets worse, she keeps trying to kill everyone, if she doesn’t get her own way, she flips. The bathroom scene is one of the most annoying scenes I have ever seen in my life, she turns full brat, kicking and screaming. She stays evily, see above photo, and even makes a move on John, which is just creepy. No one will listen and she just keeps getting away with things, manipulating people and making them believe she’s a saint. AND THEN THERE’S THE TWIST. Well if she didn’t annoy you, or you didn’t hate her by then, you definitely will then. My number four people.. Eurgh.

3.

Almost at the end now, I can see the end! Before we get ahead of ourselves, number three, which is Victoria and Lilly from the film Mama. The not that good film Mama, but that’s not what I’m supposed to be writing about.

Basically, Victoria and Lilly are rescued by their uncle and his girlfriend, then the uncle is put into a slight coma and the girlfriend, who wasn’t happy to have someone elses children in the first place, is left on her own to look after them. If they were easy children, this would be pretty much fine and dandy, but they’re not, they haven’t been looked after properly for years so are pretty much nightmares. Now I know, in some ways, it’s not their fault that they are this way, being that they didn’t leave themselves in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. But it’s a film, it’s not real, I don’t feel bad blaming them. So I will. They act like brats, Annabel isn’t ready for kids yet gets these two thrown into her care by Lucas (I think its Lucas anyway, but it might be Jeffrey, one’s the evil twin and ones the nice one…), and then he’s out cold so she has to take care of both girls, WITH the horrible mother in law always snooping around too.

Hmm.

Annabel tries her hardest to help them, she could just give them to that horrible mother in law who thinks Annabel is abusing them, but she doesn’t for Lucas…or Jeffrey. She’s a nice person and these kids don’t realise that, they make her life hell, they keep going back and doing everything against Annabel, especially the youngest who keeps going back to ‘Mama’. Victoria and Lilly, basically through the entire movie, just go against whatever they’re asked or told, especially the youngest who just pouts and eats bugs and just acts reckless, well as reckless as a kid can be… They just don’t want help, people try to help them and they throw it right back in their faces, or they just sit and pout. I had had enough and wanted the Mama to take them both at the end of the film…

2.

Nuuuuumber twooooooo. There was a very hard push between who would be two and who would be first. It was pretty much a photo finish. They both annoy me THAT much, but it came down to that one character is in a film I love and the other one is in a film I couldn’t actually finish it properly and wound through most of it. Number two is the one who’s in the film I love. Number two is Rachel from War of The Worlds.

I honestly adore this movie, adore it. Everything about it, apart from two things. The ending, stupid ‘Hollywood’ ending… and Rachel. And I’ve just thought about it, and this movie probably falls under Sci-Fi more than horror, but it scared me and she is more annoying than any of these kids on here, like I can’t stand the character, so she had to go on the list. Rachel is a character I can’t stand, literally can’t, just writing this she is annoying me. And I know I’m not the only one who thinks this, I’m pretty sure, if you speak to anyone or read a review about this film, she will be mentioned. And not in a good way… She just screams through the entire movie. I  mean, yes, if this did actually happen, people would scream, kids her age would scream, but this is a movie, it’s not real, I don’t want to hear someone screaming for an entire movie. And I’m not saying Steven Spielberg or Dakota Fanning were wrong, I’m not putting their acting or directing down, I’m just saying, the character annoys the hell out of me.

Just sssssssshhhhhhh….

She’s either crying or screaming or screaming for Robbie her brother or wanting to be carried and not left behind or being paranoid or crying or screaming… You see where this is going? The film is amazing, like I saw it in the cinema and I was blown away, I was terrified, I was shaking with fear through it, its a realistic film. But not her. Not her. She can do one. If she was older, the film would have been shut down by 100s of offended women who found the film offensive that she couldn’t do anything for her self or stay quiet for five minutes. She makes little girls look stupid, and they’re not. She would have been so much better if she’d screamed the normal amount, not the entire thing.

Just thinking of her, literally makes me annoyed…

1.

YAY! We’ve hit number one! Drum roll please…..number one is…..Sally from Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, the new version. Congratulations!

I had high hopes for this film, being the director, but that’s going off course, Sally, just annoyed me so much, I couldn’t deal with this film. I had to wind through most of it, because of her. I mean, okay, it was a pretty terrible film, but she was just one of those brats who wanted to please. One example, she goes and investigates, when she’s told not to may I add, and finds like a trapdoor. The gardener warns her not to mention it, but being the arselicker she is, she goes straight to daddy and grasses. Leading to all the trouble the family has in the house.

STOP!

She just can’t listen, she thinks she’s better than everyone and thinks that she doesn’t need to listen to anyone. After she’s warned not to do something, she does it anyway and then when it all goes tits up, of course, its not her fault. She makes my blood boil, I couldn’t even finish the film and haven’t tried to re-watch it because of her. Jeeeeeeez!

So there is my top ten. If I ever write a horror movie, I’m never having kids in it…

I quite enjoyed this movie. And it wasn’t just for some of the eye candy.

Hellooooo….

Back on track now Megan, (Ha! And I didn’t even mean to do that pun!). ‘In Europe, a group of American college athletes unknowingly board a train that will become one deadly ride.’ Yep, its one of ‘those’ movies. Group of friends go out drinking, something happens and they stupidly agree to do something that really doesn’t sound right, such as getting a late train that’s just magically going to where they’re wanting to go. Oh yeah, you give over your passports and let them keep them, that makes sense. That actually does happen. And then after all this, it all goes even more tits up. They decide to get on the train, give over their passports and then they get off at the other end, safe and sound…..I KID. No, they don’t. At all.

When I said it was one of ‘those’ movies, I meant one of those friends slasher movies. The ones that people groan about where they really shouldn’t. These films are brilliant, you can turn your brain off and just enjoy some good-looking people dying in many different and original ways. When people say they hate them, I laugh and secretly think, ‘more for me’… These movies are brilliant, and Train is no exception. Yes, they won’t win awards, yes a lot of them don’t need a brain, but what’s your point?! Train is a good old-fashioned ‘let’s do stupid things’ shout at the screen slasher film. With a slight twist AND a near naked run down the train, back to photo up top.

Don’t knock it.

Thora Birch was definitely put in this film for the ‘big star’ count, she is pretty much the only actor I’d heard of, but luckily, I’m not a fan of who’s in what when it comes to horrors. I’ll watch anything. It was a change from what I’d seen her in though, I’m still stuck on her character in America Beauty.. No one’s really really bad in this, as I said, it’s the general slasher movie, it wouldn’t win any awards and will probably not be known by people unless you’ve seen it but it’s good. I enjoyed it. Train is similar to the likes of Hostel, but I love Hostel so I had no complaints what so ever. Apart from some characters are dumb, but if they weren’t, there would be no killing.. Hey, you gotta break a few eggs..

Hello Derek…I don’t care if you’ve been in a gay film, you’re still hot.

The gore is there, the drinking friends, the fun, the scary stereotypical bad guys and even a little twist of why there are on the train. What more could you want?! I enjoyed this film so much, even though I own it, I’m going to record  it when it’s on the horror channel on Sunday… Yeah.

What’s not to love?

So I saw this, in a hotel room in Boston for my birthday. It wasn’t good but it does make me happy being where I was and what I was doing. So I will try not to be biased. Okay, Mama. ‘Annabel and Lucas are faced with the challenge of raising his young nieces that were left alone in the forest for 5 years…. but how alone were they?’.

Mamá

Mama.

I would say Mama started out pretty good, it’s the normal movie.  It has the creepy feel to it, it starts out kind of weird and straight into the story with the dad taking the two daughters away, which you never actually find out what exactly happened. In a way. Basically, you see him taking the girls and leaving them, and then it skips to recent times, but doesn’t really mention what happened. It just kind of goes ahead to when the dad’s twin brother (really, it’s the same guy playing both), picking them up. Its mentioned that the dad killed the mum but not in-depth, just casually as two characters are talking. This isn’t a big deal or anything obviously, I just thought it was weird. And the other thing I thought about was what a cop-out it was to have the same actor playing the brothers. They’re twins so lets use the same actor. Don’t get me wrong, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau did a good job, but really, they’re twins so lets use the same actor. Again, nothing really to do with the movie, just what I thought was weird about the film.

Moving back on to the proper film, the film as a whole is alright, (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is pretty much out cold for like 90% of it so it was an easy job for him, if you’re a fan or a GOT fan, don’t watch it just for him. As I said, out cold.). Mama has the normal feel of a horror movie, and so it should, it’s about a ghostly spirit who’s obsessed with two children, the children are slightly feral too after all their years spent in that lovely little cabin on their own. So if done well it should be quite good, its got a good set up for a standard horror movie. And it isn’t horrendous, it’s not a stand out film but it’ll pass an evening.  I say all that but if you don’t like CGI, don’t watch this. ‘Mama’ (the ghost I mean) is CGI. And you can tell. It’s not bad CGI, it’s just obviously CGI. She is scary though, like in the film, she’s really quick, but if you get a screen shot of it, well, I don’t like it…

I mean look at that!

Yeah, so overall, its not that bad a film. It’s not going to win any awards or anything but yeah, if you’ve got a spare hour and a half, go for it. The ending was terrible though. genuinely, I could have said a lot better about it had it had a good ending. I won’t mention it because it is a spoiler but its bad. In a way, its good because in some ways it doesn’t go down the normal ‘Hollywood’ happy ending, but it’s still just bad. (Like how many ‘In a way’s I had? Yeah, confusing right? You have no idea how it ends now, do you?). I also hate little kids in horror movies. Hate. And these kids just sit there, one is silent with a face like a smacked arse, and just pout and scream. The poor girlfriend, she didn’t want the kids but noooo, he wanted to save the brats…

Anyway…free evening? Go for it.

Before I start, I’m not sure if this fully counts as a horror, but I found it while looking for horror movies and it’s got some horror sides to it, so I’ll go for it. ‘After India’s father dies, her Uncle Charlie, who she never knew existed, comes to live with her and her unstable mother. She comes to suspect this mysterious, charming man has ulterior motives and becomes increasingly infatuated with him.’ Two interesting pointers, written by Wentworth Miller and was the last film of Tony Scott. Saying that, I still didn’t really like the film..

016

It started off very very arty, but I kept with it, it sounded like an interesting movie, a family member you never even knew was there suddenly arrives and the family is changed. I also thought it had a brilliant tagline, ‘Do not disturb the family’, it had a lot of potential and for some, it probably fulfilled, for me, it didn’t. If I’m honest, I can’t really put into words why I didn’t like it, it had its moments but I didn’t really enjoy it. It might have been that it had a really large arty feel to it, like not a lot of dialogue, inanimate objects were shown on camera for a long amount of time, I’m not sure, because I really was quite excited to watch this. The whole story of it really intrigued me but I didn’t like it. Maybe I wanted more, I’m not sure. I didn’t hate it but it wasn’t like ‘it was alright’, like it had moments but that was about it. I’m just mellow about it, finding it really hard to explain how I felt about it. Basically, I just didn’t really enjoy it.

The good things about it? The uncle. He was very cute and charming…through most of it anyway.

I guess this film was just quite slow, and built up to nothing. I had high hopes for this film, that just did not happen. Everything I’d read about it said how creepy and weird and disturbing it was but it definitely wasn’t any of that. Maybe that was my fault for reading about it, but even just the cover kind of made me think it might be quite a good film.

I think the problem with it was, it was very artsy, and built expectations up that it just never answered throughout the entire film. Some parts were creepy, like the killings and hiding the body and all that and I liked Charlie, but that was about it. Without all that, it was just a slow slow movie. Sorryyyyy.

Wentworth Miller

Sorry Wentworth, I like you but not this…

I did it! I watched A Serbian Film, or Srpski film, one of theeee most disturbing, wrong movies ever made….and I’m fine. ‘An aging porn star agrees to participate in an “art film” in order to make a clean break from the business, only to discover that he has been drafted into making a pedophilia and necrophilia themed snuff film.’

 

A Serbian Film

Just repeat ‘That is not David Spade’…

 

I finally got round to watching it, I’ve had the DVD for a while but just had never watched it, whether that was because I just hadn’t got round to watching it or I hadn’t found the balls to watch it, I don’t know. I had generally heard that it was really really reallyyyyyy wrong and just the most disturbing thing that some had ever seen, flying straight in front of films such as Cannibal Holocaust.  I have never seen Cannibal Holocaust, but like this, I had/have heard that it is a pretty disturbing film. I’m not going to say I was disappointing because that is just wrong, but it wasn’t as disturbing as I’d set out for it to be. Its wrong, don’t get me wrong, it’s very wrong, but I wouldn’t say I found it disturbing or that I was disturbed after watching it. I fill kind of weird saying that, I’m not weird, don’t worry…

 

Anyway, as I said, this film is wrong, I wouldn’t say disturbing because I was fine afterwards, but it is very wrong. I mean, looking at the film is about, that’s not surprising at all. Its weird from the start, it opens to you watching the main character in one of his porn movies, which then is shown to be being watched by his own son…awkward. He’s not doing too well, so when some (shady) people say to him about doing a new porn movie that’ll be huge, after some thought, he goes for it. Obviously, it doesn’t go as he plans, in the way of underage blow jobs, necrophilia and the famous ‘baby rape’ scene. Am I selling this film to you? So, from all that, you can see just how charming this film is. Its wrong. Wrong and weird. Oh, and don’t forget the penis, eye socket scene!

 

Portada A Serbian Film

THAT IS NOT DAVID SPADE!!

 

A Serbian Film is a film that I found wrong but anyone would, what it covers throughout the film is just wrong, it’s a dark movie and just seems like the makers thought ‘whats wrong’ ‘ummm, torturing a baby’ ‘okay, let’s have it, raping a baby’, kind of thing. I think in a way, it was good, because I think disturbing the audience is good in a way, make them feel something as Alfred Hitchcock use to do and say, but it does take some mind to think and put in someone raping a baby… Raping a baby is just incredibly wrong and it definitely makes you feel something, but it’s definitely not nice. Like the entire film, it’s not nice. I’m not sure I fully got it, people say it’s art and I didn’t see that, people say it represents how hard and disturbing where it’s set is and I can see that, if that’s the case then I think it makes some of it better, as making it this hard and disturbing was probably one of the only ways to get it across. I’m not 100% on that though, so don’t hold it against me.

 

This is a film that is not for the faint hearted, at all, and no one under 18, it’s not your average porno. Things are in this film that cannot be unseen, I wasn’t disturbed by it or found it disturbing but I didn’t really have a good time watching some of it. Worst thing was that the main character looks a lot like David Spade, you know, Kuzco? Makes it so much worst…

 

The main characters in The Emperor's New Groov...

So much worst….

 

I make myself laugh that I am writing this. HA! Here it goes. SNARKNADO. ‘When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, nature’s deadliest killer rules sea, land, and air as thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace.’ I beg people, do not stop reading my blog, pleaaaaaase, just because I am writing this review. It was between this and A Serbian Film, but it is nice and sunny out and I wanted something a bit more….upbeat…? Ha! This and The Human Centipede in one day, brilliant!

 

Shark! Shark!

There are no images on here of Sharknado! NOOO!

 

I’m just making myself laugh with this review, first, I am reviewing it and now I can’t find any photos of it. Brilliant! Okay, back to the review, I’ll admit, I’m not sure if this counts as a horror, but it has a tornado made out of sharks and people die, for the moment, that’s good enough for me. As I said above it was either this or a film about a pornstar…you choose. Okay, little secret, I love these type of bad TV made little SyFy movies, there’s just so bad you can’t help but watch and laugh. And that’s what I did for the entire thing, I sat and laughed, whether it was at the bad acting or bad CGI…if you could call it all that. I had a whale of a time. (No fish related pun intended…much). It’s not on my favourite film list but I enjoyed it.

 

I wasn’t expecting a lot, I’ve seen these types of movies before, I love these types of movie so I knew exactly what I was in for, bad acting, old actors who should be doing better, (John Heard, have you remembered Kevin this time?), old celebs who can’t really do any better, (sorry Tara Reid, but I’m looking at you..), unknowns and just a whole load of theeee worst CGI and special effects you will ever see in your entire life. And that is what is amazing about them. I’m not sure what it’s called, but they definitely all come under a certain category…’bad movies with bad acting, old actors who should be doing better, unknowns or old celebs who can’t do any better and the worst CGI and special effects’ maybe.

 

English: The American actress Tara Reid. Franç...

I’m sure you’re a lovely person but….yeah…

So, I’m going to end this there before I loose everyone who visits this, I loved Sharknado, I love all the bad movies like this, like Yeti and Sand Sharks and all them. They’re not even close to being good but they’re just so enjoyable. Life would be a sad place without these. :)